I can’t really pinpoint what made me decide to do a Q&A post today, but here we are! I fell in love with this post-style when I was doing the Girlschatseries with Daniella of Dateswithdanie on my former blog. I loved it because it made me connect with my readers on a more personal level which I’m always down for. Now I know the last Q&A was ages ago, and I can’t really tell you when the next one will be, but since we’re in the moment, let’s enjoy it. Today’s relationship Q&A is tagged the ‘single’s edition’, because I asked a couple of single people the reason why they are single and if they’d be willing to mingle!

I was actually quite surprised that we had more single ladies than guys, I’ve always thought it was the other way round. However, I was very impressed with a lot of the responses. Most of them go beyond just face level, they’re quite deep. Some actually made me laugh, so I really enjoyed writing this post and I hope you enjoy reading it too.

You’re probably wondering “what of you, you single?” You might have to wait till the end of the post to find out, because that’s when I leave my own thoughts.

So here goes…

Why are you single? By choice or because of certain circumstances? Also, are you ready to mingle?

Simi said: Choice. I love being in love, totally envy people in love. But I realised I needed to grow in a lot of areas in my life. Most especially having self love and being emotionally independent. I also have high standards, and I know I am what I attract, and if I want my man to have certain standards, I myself should live up to them. That’s why am taking my time to grow.

Emeka said: Money.. My sister.. Money. You people’s plenty needs…If I see the right person, Why not? I want someone who knows not to ask for ridiculous stuff at the moment.. Who understands it’s a process.

Fisayo said: Not by choice. The last person I met had great intentions for marriage that I was even like “slow down bruh”, but our genotype wasn’t compatible. To a reasonable extent, and to reasonable people.

Aidee said: Lol. It’s definitely not entirely by choice, I just feel like the right person has not come along. Anyone in Nigeria, the average female is ready to mingle because after school, the pressure to get married is utmost. But personally, I am.

Esta said: Choice and Circumstances. I just got tired of the entire thing and I saw that I was losing myself into becoming this perfect person, so I had to just stop and do a re-evaluation and it’s just taking time to get back. I think I’m ready, I don’t know, it’s frustrating!

Oyinkansola said: Well I broke up, my last relationship wrecked me. I want to mingle yeah, but I’m just scared, what if the next one turns out worse? what if it turns out he’s the one? You know that uncertainty…

Deolu said: Everything together. Yes I am, but heart of man is wicked.

Aisha Y said: A sprinkle of both. By choice because I’m still a work in progress and I need to fix certain insecurities on my own. By certain circumstances which is genotype. I can’t date a “forbidden” genotype because of love; because what if feelings grow deeper? I can’t afford to bring a sickle cell baby into this world. It’s cruel enough… I definitely am. He just might be lucky.

Aisha H said: Circumstances. When you have so much love in you and you want to share it with someone you truly love too but, at the end of the day one’s love, kindness and sacrifices get abused. After trying a couple of times, I think I’m already used to being alone. No doubt loneliness gets in the way, but then again religious difference sets in. My family won’t allow me settle down with a Christian, I’ve found 1 or 2 honest Christian guys but I just couldn’t go ahead because I know my family. Due to all of these, if any man comes around I end pushing them away.

Winifred said: I don’t even know, honestly. I haven’t seen him yet. Yeah sure.

Tife said: Choice. Or let me say both actually. I’ve decided I’m not ready for the emotional burden that comes with a committed relationship for now, plus the circumstances that led to the break down of my last relationship makes me want to develop my person someway. I don’t think so.

Seyi said: I’m single because I’m not married or divorced or widowed.

Single

You have to agree that these were really amazing responses, I was actually expecting that I’d be laughing throughout but Instead I was analysing some of these reasons. There are so many things to actually pick out from here. For instance the issue of genotype. That’s one really paramount thing that we need to actually consider before we fall in too deep, because then it’ll become a struggle.

We also have the religious aspect of it. Should you remain single because your family isn’t going to accept someone from another religion? (Your thoughts?) How about the ones terrified of going into another relationship because the last one did some havoc to their mental health? Are they going to remain that way? I mean we have to protect our mental health. These were some of my thoughts.

Okay so I am also single, but a large part of the reason is by choice. In my previous relationship, I made some mistakes that I really do not want to repeat so personally, I am working on my growth when it comes to emotional matters, and being more sensitive. Spiritually, I am a work in progress, and there’s a level that I aspire to be with God which I’m still working on, so now if I’m to go into a relationship, I’d want to be with someone on that same wavelength.

Financially, I’m also trying to gather everything and work towards becoming financially independent. I want to be able to randomly spoil my man because he deserves it, not that I will become a liability and I’ll begin to question my self worth. I can’t really give what I don’t have, so it was majorly a choice to stay on my own and do some revaluation like Esta said.

Am I ready to mingle though? You know that feeling when you’ve been single for so long and you don’t know how you’ll behave when you enter into a relationship? That’s always my thought when I ask myself this question. So what I’ll say is I’m ready to begin the process, and take it slow.

Related: How Often Should Partners Talk and What Should They Talk About?

Over to you…

Why are you single? (That’s if you are) choice or circumstance? Let’s talk in the comments.

Have a great weekend and cheers to September!
Mide♡