What I’ve come to realise over time is that a relationship is more or less like a full- time job, and it needs a lot of commitment and intentional work to make it stand the test of time- including when things like boredom rears its head. In a normal life setting, we all tend to get bored of certain things, because we want a switch up, and we’re just simply tired of the monotonous way of doing things. So, it’s not strange that you would feel bored even in your relationship, but do you have to remain stuck there? I don’t think so. In today’s Q&A, let’s look at how to spice things up, shall we?
I hope you had a great week? Personally, I could have used a little more excitement, but I like to think it was okay.
One of my favourite quotes of all time is ‘variety is the spice of life’ and whenever I feel stuck sometimes, I try to apply that quote and look at what I could be doing differently so that I don’t remain miserable.
Now, this should be your approach when you feel like the honeymoon phase in your relationship is gradually wearing away.
Of course, I’m no expert in relationship matters and that’s why I have asked a couple of amazing people about their opinions on how to spice things up, should we find ourselves in this rut.
I asked: How can you deal with boredom In a relationship?
Joseph said: Trying out new things, economical and fun activities; Touring new places, destination holidays, hikes(just the couple), trying out new kinds of food, Paintballing, Hanging out with other couples.
Oyinkan said: Getting comfortable with telling each other any and everything is the first thing. Hang out, see movie, go for shows, stay home and teach each other how to do something new, cook together, develop a playful habit around each other. Get involved in things he loves and involve him in things you love too.
Abiola said: Try to incorporate what your partner likes, think and plan new things along their interests. Personally, I love giving gifts, so I would also send random gifts when it seems like there’s nothing going on anymore, surprise them by showing up at their place.Communication as well so both parties will be open to trying new things to jazz things up.
Festus & Angie said: Google. I usually Google games to spice up our conversation. (Angie) But we talk about different things ranging from politics, life, marriage, relationship, international stuffs, sex, etc.
Lara said: That should depend on the parties in the relationship, if both of them are boring people I don’t have a solution for them. But if one party is more out going than the other the person should use their personally as an influence. What I mean basically is, as an out going person you could spice up the relationship by going out more often, go to the movies, attend parties, visit people, travel together, try new things together, stop being too uptight, show more love and affection.
Esta said: Well everyone gets bored once in a while but in a relationship it could be because you are getting too used to each other, you tend to forget those things you did together as a new couple. So maybe start with that. Start talking about things you used to do before; either spontaneous or planned and try to start doing them again. If boredom persists maybe you guys are not into each other again.
Gbenga said: Talk to your partner about the boredom you are feeling first, and then you could do some stuff you lot enjoy, maybe play games. If you and your partner are competitive, you guys can do stuff that requires you to compete in a friendly environment, something to get the blood flowing or you can just do what you ladies do, cause fight!
Tosin said: I think how to spice it up might depend on what kind of boredom it is. But usually it helps to rekindle the things you both used to do with one another that made you guys fall in love in the first place. Things that you’ve stopped doing either because you don’t have the time or familiarity. Random spontaneous things also help.
Deolu said: Spontaneity is the answer, springing up surprises or just doing research on other stuffs to do. Having honest communication with your partner about being bored is also very important.
IK said: For me, the most important thing is time. Create time for each other but don’t be available all the time. Dinners are good also. Just find out what the other person loves and do it.
Ife said: In my opinion, we’re bored because our routines have expired (not the feelings) so our shared life will change. Individually also, how we live and do most things will change because the boredom is merely a signal for a deepened involvement in each others lives. Basically, turn up the sharing. Also with deepened sharing, It’ll be interesting to plan something together, not just afterthought outings like movies or eating out, I mean, really plan something. Get each other invested into the plan and very involved in anything that we can both look forward to and anticipate earnestly. You can’t plan like that and the boredom will stay.
Like always, I absolutely loved compiling these responses because it opens me up to different perspectives and allows me learn new things. Like I said earlier, there are times in relationships the fun and excitement levels are heightened, and there are other times where things are just bleh! Often times, both parties still care very much about each other, so it’s not a matter of whether the feelings are still there, but they just simply have no idea of how to get themselves out of that boredom funk!
Firstly, I believe communication plays an important role here. You need to talk about whatever has led up to this point of boredom and how you can move things forward. You can automatically expect that your partner knows that you guys need a switch up, if you don’t discuss it first.
Experts have said that the key to avoiding boredom is that “you always have to make an EFFORT to keep things fresh, not forgetting to flirt, avoiding complacency, (it’s really easy to relax since you’ve got the girl/guy), and remaining your own person despite the fact that you’re with somebody.”
Now I initially found that last part a little bit tricky, till I read and understood it well. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the relationship euphoria, that we don’t even remember to be our own person anymore. We are just okay with going with the flow because it involves the other person. Before you know it, such things can quickly turn to dissatisfaction, boredom and probably other bigger issues.
So it’s really important that you don’t lose sight of who you are, and your goals just because you’re in a relationship. If you both are not pushing for the kind of life that you have imagined for yourselves both individually and together, of course the boredom will set it because nothing is of major interest to you there. But with both of you supporting each other and making efforts to spice things up, I believe all will be well in paradise.
Over to you…
What’s your take on eliminating boredom in a relationship? What would you suggest to spice things up? Let’s talk in the comments!
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P.s: Do you know that there’s a giveaway in my last post ? Happy Easter Guys!